Bagel Gazing

Bagel Gazing

I have deep thoughts, but I’m also a goofy nitwit on the regular. So I created the ‘Utter Nonsense’ category. Here is your September installment of Utter Nonsense.

Derp

Friend: Ugh. Enough with all the navel gazing.

I imagine bagel gazing to be like this - except replace the ketchup with bagels

I imagine bagel gazing to be like this - except replace the ketchup with bagels

Me: Nodding my head, but obviously looking perplexed.

Friend: What? You look confused.

Me: Is that a new thing? Bagel gazing? Do people actually gaze at bagels - is it like a low carb thing?

Friend: Stares at me in disbelief and then collapses into giggles and refuses to tell me why. It took me a full 5 minutes to realize she had said navel gazing, not bagel gazing.

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I also had the thoughtThere’s safety in plumbers’ this month. (what is my brain doing?)

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Adventures with the Hands

Conversations

Tom: This morning traffic would be so much better if all of these were automatic cars.

Me: Yeah. But you know what would be even better?

Tom: What?

Me: If we were still in bed.

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Tom: I hope I’m still around when automatic cars become popular. I’d really like to see how it all works.

Me: Yeah… (kinda sick of all the automatic car talk to be honest)

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Tom: What about you? What would you like to be around for in the future?

Me: Thinking hard and getting frustrated with myself.

Tom: You’re quiet.

Me: I’m trying really hard to think of something smart, or useful, or technology forward, but all I can think is, ‘I would really like to see a unicorn, or an elf. Or better yet, what if dogs could suddenly talk?”

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For American readers, bollocks = balls in England, and the saying ‘the dog’s bollocks’ means something is really good. As in, ‘Dolphins are the dog’s bollocks’ = dolphins are the best.

Me: Awwww! Luna is zooming around today. So happy. Look at her frolic!

Tom with a self-satisfied smirk on his face: That’s the dog’s frolics.

Me: Sometimes you make me sorry for saying words.

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Me: Tell me a story

Tom: I don't know any stories

Me: Well, find one on the internet.

*waits patiently for a few minutes*

Me: Well?

Tom: What?

Me: Story.

Tom: I told you. I don't —

Me: It should be an adventure story and the girl should be better than the guy.

*still waiting*

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Me mad at me about something Tom said: “A pox on (pause - realizes mistake too late and plows forward) your side of the house, but not mine.”

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Facts

This month, three close friends who love me dearly, and know me well told me I was weird. (win!)

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Old library book smell the best - picture books that kids have looked at a thousand times are a close second. Books printed in the UK smell different than ones printed in the USA - different ink? All the humidity? Books printed on thicker paper smell the best - the worst is scratchy cheap paper followed closely by glossy paper.

Random Thoughts

Heroine and heroin only one letter off. Coincidence? I think not!

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When I’m shopping for plants and the tag says pet friendly I always imagine the plants chatting with my pets having a grand time.

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Me: People should mind their own business

Also me: If I could sneak into everyone's houses to look at how they decorate and organize, I would.

 

How can we add some more AND to our perception of women's bodies?

How can we add some more AND to our perception of women's bodies?

Oh my GAWD! Don't SAY that.

Oh my GAWD! Don't SAY that.