I have deep thoughts, but I’m also a goofy nitwit on the regular. So I created the ‘Utter Nonsense’ category. Here is your September installment of Utter Nonsense.
Friend: Ugh. Enough with all the navel gazing.
Me: Nodding my head, but obviously looking perplexed.
Friend: What? You look confused.
Me: Is that a new thing? Bagel gazing? Do people actually gaze at bagels - is it like a low carb thing?
Friend: Stares at me in disbelief and then collapses into giggles and refuses to tell me why. It took me a full 5 minutes to realize she had said navel gazing, not bagel gazing.
I also had the thought ‘There’s safety in plumbers’ this month. (what is my brain doing?)
Adventures with the Hands
Tom: This morning traffic would be so much better if all of these were automatic cars.
Me: Yeah. But you know what would be even better?
Me: If we were still in bed.
Tom: I hope I’m still around when automatic cars become popular. I’d really like to see how it all works.
Me: Yeah… (kinda sick of all the automatic car talk to be honest)
Tom: What about you? What would you like to be around for in the future?
Me: Thinking hard and getting frustrated with myself.
Tom: You’re quiet.
Me: I’m trying really hard to think of something smart, or useful, or technology forward, but all I can think is, ‘I would really like to see a unicorn, or an elf. Or better yet, what if dogs could suddenly talk?”
For American readers, bollocks = balls in England, and the saying ‘the dog’s bollocks’ means something is really good. As in, ‘Dolphins are the dog’s bollocks’ = dolphins are the best.
Me: Awwww! Luna is zooming around today. So happy. Look at her frolic!
Tom with a self-satisfied smirk on his face: That’s the dog’s frolics.
Me: Sometimes you make me sorry for saying words.
Me: Tell me a story
Tom: I don't know any stories
Me: Well, find one on the internet.
*waits patiently for a few minutes*
Tom: I told you. I don't —
Me: It should be an adventure story and the girl should be better than the guy.
Me mad at me about something Tom said: “A pox on (pause - realizes mistake too late and plows forward) your side of the house, but not mine.”
This month, three close friends who love me dearly, and know me well told me I was weird. (win!)
Old library book smell the best - picture books that kids have looked at a thousand times are a close second. Books printed in the UK smell different than ones printed in the USA - different ink? All the humidity? Books printed on thicker paper smell the best - the worst is scratchy cheap paper followed closely by glossy paper.
Heroine and heroin only one letter off. Coincidence? I think not!
When I’m shopping for plants and the tag says pet friendly I always imagine the plants chatting with my pets having a grand time.
Me: People should mind their own business
Also me: If I could sneak into everyone's houses to look at how they decorate and organize, I would.